Haven’t we all felt jealous?
When Scotsmen get together, and discuss that rather reticent and a touch oversized lizard, which passes off by the name of the Loch Ness monster?
When Americans shiver in fright when anyone mentions triangles to them?
This phenomenon after being wrongly correlated with their inherent distaste for geometry, later found grounding (and that’s a sick pun) in strange events around Bermuda.
Haven’t we all felt a twinge of mummified envy, when Egyptians marvel at the pyramids, and try to fathom how those enormous stones were moved?
You might say that we have our own mysteries in India, across mythology, history and the disappearance of your carefully completed chemistry journal; but there are some nuggets which have recently emerged, which we should start pondering about.
Today, we will look at new age mysteries inspired from the world of entertainment, media and the public space.
Star six pack conundrum
From the Khans to every aspiring new hero, six pack abs have suddenly become mandatory for any Bollywood hero to be taken seriously.
They seem to compensate for a lack of acting talent and no stomach for dialogue or emotional retention. These men seem to magically ‘tighten up’ just before their next movie release, often using their ‘cuts’ to compensate for an abject absence of craft at the editing table.
But the mystery does not lie in what they do to achieve this elevated state of physicality. The question really is where does all that flab go?
The answer is probably my (or your) stomach.
According to Newton’s brazenly modified law for the curvature of stomachs, if one person is rapidly developing a flat stomach, chances are you are finding your tummy assuming more and more planetary proportions. This is especially the case when information about the person losing flab, is thrust in your face every single day.
It is not said for nothing that ‘ignorance is bliss’. It is also the secret to six pack abs. This explains why so many dense men seem to have them, but that might just sound like sour grapes on my part.
As a completely useless aside, wouldn’t it be cool if the person suffering from this celluloid weight loss binge was an actor playing Draupadi in the Mahabharat…‘Paunch’ali anyone?
Television drama time jump puzzle
This is the ‘have no idea but must make multiple episodes, fall back technique’, used by our overzealous soap merchants, employed after they get utterly bored shooting slow dances, dream sequences and such, to the tune of popular songs from Hindi Cinema.
The serial plot suddenly finds itself in one of H.G. Well’s time machines, and the cast resurfaces thirty two years later.
Staggeringly there are rarely wrinkles, white hair, or any other signs of the time lapse. Even the number of surya namaskaars they are able to perform in a single breath remains the same, albeit under the guidance of a new yoga instructor by this time, one who looks like she has just dropped out from the far reaches of Andromeda.
This prevention, against displaying the effects of age with the passage of time, could perhaps make for more interesting viewing than the plot itself, which unfortunately does not understand time travel and refuses to budge past its presently mediocre premise.
Too much focus is spent on trying to get insights on time travel, by hanging onto what the world’s best scientists are saying at the Nobel Prize ceremonies. All one needs, is to swing the attention of the cameras on one of our own Indian television award shows.
Unexplained revolt against the full sentence
Our news channel debates have been relentlessly entertaining; even if that was not really their intention. These ridiculously over cluttered attempts at having a discussion, in time will surely be cited at temples of learning, as examples of ‘How to not conduct conversations’.
They display an appalling lack of a neutral or quite simply any perspective. Then there is the tendency to shoot one’s mouth first and think about it later (much later). The citing of too much data, the over burdening of the screen with blinding flashes of the obvious, and so on.
What really sets apart this tribe though, is a rather strange behavioral trait.
They seem to have a personal vendetta against anybody completing a sentence. The moment someone seems to be near the end of one, they take it extremely personally for having letting him get that far and jump at the participant’s throat, with the primal savagery of women jostling at a shoe discount sale. But at least there the outcome might be more ‘sole’ stirring.
Why they indulge in this action (the anchors, not the women) is not entirely clear as of today. Perhaps they are still traumatized by ‘Fill in the Blanks’ and ‘Complete the Sentence’, kind of questions back from their school days. Whatever be the case, the real people giving the examination these days on their behalf, are the hapless viewers.
Curious reinterpretation of traffic signals
One of the prime grievances of urban life these days; is the building chaos at traffic signals. What with easily available finance and deviously enticing messaging, nudging more people to put even more vehicles on the road? ‘Traffic Trauma’ is something which surely can be correlated, to a host of burgeoning illnesses of the modern era.
And it all begins with decorum or lack of it these days, at traffic signals.
Sometimes watching immense car pile ups, reminiscent of one’s office table on a particularly busy day; one can’t help but ponder, is there a secret code going around, where some people are getting different messages from the same signals?
‘Red’ seems to be a provocation to their testosterone driven instincts, to brave danger and go for glory by making it to the other side. ‘Yellow’ appears as almost a taunt for being too chicken, and a mere follower of the herd. ‘Green’ symbolizes the envy they feel, for someone who started by their side, but whom life and brain impaired conduct at the signal, has carried to a far removed, more fulfilling realm.
Sometimes it just seems like people are taking very different paths, on the same roads these days.
As you ponder these modern day Indian mysteries, you will soon find your chest puffing up with patriotic pride, because you now have riddles on par with the pyramids or Loch Ness of Bermuda or Yeti.
It’s not happening for you is it? Your chest is not expanding?
Well that’s just another great mystery you can add to that tally 🙂
Until next time
Check out our Review of Vinay’s book “The Madness Starts at 9”
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